The Binners Ridgeway

Simon, Chris and Mick on the Ridgeway, adopting typical Binner MO; they've all got their eyes closed.

The Ridgeway

To the binner, the Ridgeway is the holy Grail. The West Highland Way is longer and tougher, but presented little problem. However, put your average binner at one end of the Ridgeway, and the other end will remain a mystery. The quest to put it out of our misery is eternal.

Click here to see the official Binner Ridgeway map.

And here's a better one!

Utilising the amenities of some form of Binner Bus has not always been the transport mode of choice for the boys. On occasions, Shanks's Pony has been chosen to convey the Binner from one destination to the next; often, I may add, in a not entirely successful manner. In 1995, a Binner expedition set off across the wilds of western Scotland in a frontier wilderness adventure, much like that of Lewis and Clark, which successfully led them to Fort William, but more of that later. Closer to home, the Ridgeway has proved to be more of a challenge.

Although an initial, and successful, venture was undertaken between 5-12 January 1990, and indeed two further successful endeavours have passed, the average Binner attempt at the Ridgeway tells a story of failure unparalleled even by the Big Brother 'Kick Racism out of Reality TV' team's attempts to, er, kick racism out of reality TV.

The table below is the itinery for that first, and arguably most successful attempt at the Ridgeway.

Unsuccesful Attempts

Dave, Mark and Wayne attempt to kit the kaboodle. Mark quits at Chinnor with Chocolate fatigue (weighed down by his secret stash of said confectionary) (see excuse 13). Dave, crying blisters, eventually drags Wayne down to his level, and they quit at Goring to spend some quality time together at a B+B in Bath (see excuse 4).
Dave, attempting the whole thing, and accompanied by James and Wayne up to Wendover, makes it as far as Princes Risborough before his knee 'gives out' (see excuse 10).
Dave, attempting the whole thing again, but starting from Watford (adapting a new route until joining the Ridgeway proper at Wendover Woods) gets as far as Goring, before jumping on a train and coming back home (see excuse 9).
The Great Gale, party of six Binners set out to ace the whole damned lot of it, but get blown off the side of Combe Hill during a severe weather warning (see excuses 2 and 14).
Mick and Neil set out from Avebury to do the whole thing. Dave phones the Red Lion at about 15:00 and asks for two wet guys called Neil and Mick, and the bar man only takes a few seconds to find them. This is the shortest of Ridgeway attempts (see excuses 14 and 15).
Dave, Mick and Neil attempt it again from Avebury, getting as far as the Crown, Nuffield, and in good condition too, when the heavens open a little bit, and the soles of their boots become irreparably moist. Supernatural forces also seemed to be at work against them on this occasion (see excuses 14, 15 and 16).
Dave, Mick and Simon, accompanied by Chris for the second day, attempt to get to Goring, from Ivinghoe, in an early winter expedition. Chris's girlfriend Fiona's siren call proved too great a temptation for all of them (see excuses 1, 3, 6, 9, 11, 15, 17 and 18).

Before the Great Gale. A group picture taken before the most disastrous expedition to date: hundred's of pounds worth of gear was put out of commission as the team was practically blown off Combe Hill.
Binners are: Back row, Dave, Neil, Mark, Aiden; and front row, Wayne, Mick.

This is a picture not taken on the Ridgeway during one of our unsuccessful attempts to walk that ridge. None the less, we hold that it is a true and fair representation of the weather as encountered during the three expeditions citing excuse 14.

Dave - James - Neil - Wayne

Binner Book of Excuses

My friend Mick's getting on a bit and he's hurt his ankle so we won't be able to make it.
My tent's just disappeared.
I can do it, I know I can do it, but I just don't want to spoil this special moment we're having here and now.
'I've got terrible blisters' 'let's have a look' 'No, I don't want to take my boot off in case my toes fall off'
Sorry lads, I'm right out of chocolate.
I would have done it if it wasn't for Fiona waiting to pick Chris up at the next pub
I think I may have cancer
I think my girlfriend/wife is shagging a basketball team
I really just can't be arsed.
I would have finished it but my knee was just too dodgy, can you tell me where the nearest hospital is?
It ain' t no badge of honor
We only set out to go this far
I'm not going any further because I think you two are gay.
It was the worst rain and wind since records began back in Stukely's time.
The pub was too warm.
A vile black shuck (a ghostly dog demon from out the devil's arse) put the hex on us with his evil eye.
We never set out to do the whole lot anyway - only for as long as we were enjoying it.
I'm only quitting because you said it first.
Police Oppression; "I'm afraid you can't do that, it's totally illegal and the locals will probably burn your screaming carcas in a Wicker Man by way of ritual sacrifice if you tried".
But it smells
I'm feeling tired and I've got a bit of a head ache, so if you don't mind, I'll just stay back here in my tent and cuff one off. Er sorry, I mean get some rest.
I just went in for a pint and nothing else. No I was not interested in that barmaid with the suzzi pictures at all, no siree bob.
The carriage is empty because not many people are on the train.

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